“Word and images matter!” That was the battle cry pounded into my head during the three years I spent working for a media advocacy organization called GLAAD (The Gay & Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation). I was part of a team of staff that holds Media accountable for what they put on the big screen, small screen, and in the papers and magazines decorating our coffee tables. The organization also famously celebrates the achievements of media that got it right in the form of their annual “GLAAD Media Awards.” I left the organization in order to become one of the filmmakers creating the culture-changing work that I had spent so much time celebrating.

In just the few short years since I left, I’ve had the distinct pleasure of working on not one… not two… but THREE films featuring LGBT content and filmmakers. I am incredibly humbled and honored to be alongside such talented artists and technicians. It’s amazing the bravery and vulnerability they all show each day they show up to work to tell these stories.

Given the talent involved, I was completely unsurprised when I found out that two of the films I worked on (the third being in post-production right now) called A Marine Story and Elena Undone were headliners at this year’s Outfest Film Festival in Los Angeles.

I was completely floored however when I was nominated to head up the Outfest Legacy Awards this fall and make an even greater contribution to the LGBT filmmaking world by protecting the images and stories in this canon of film for generations to come. If you live in Los Angeles and are interested in attending or joining me at my table… please inquire within.

In the mean time, I was asked by www.gaytravel.com (an incredible new website and social networking site which I highly recommend becoming a part of ) to share my thoughts about why I think Outfest (and therefore LGBT filmmaking in general) is important. Here are my thoughts:

Why is Outfest important?

- Because cultural change happens in our living rooms and around the dining room table, not in ballot boxes
- Because the diversity of our complex community and its allies is rarely even touched on in entertainment- so having a bevy of options celebrating that diversity is a rare treat
- Because some of the most talented filmmakers in the business are members of the LGBT community and they make good work!
- Because creating a legacy of moving images that tell stories that have the capacity to change hearts and minds is invaluable

Why am I involved?
- As a filmmaker and storyteller, I care how my life and the lives of my friends are portrayed
- Because I believe that film and television can reach beyond borders and walls and this is the way that I choose to create change
- Because the talented pool of individuals that are showcased this year are often undersupported and overlooked in the wider entertainment arena and it is my pleasure to be part of giving them their well-deserved spotlight

Why should you be involved?
- Because it’s one of the only places that you will get to see many of these films on the big screen
- Because your financial support in the form of movie tickets will actually go to a cause you can be proud of- encouraging more LGBT films and filmmakers to keep making incredible work!
- Because they throw amazing parties

I threw a lot of stuff out there, so here are the links for follow up items:

1. To learn more about the 2010 Outfest Film Festival, Click HERE
2. To purchase tickets to one of the films I worked on, click HERE:
(A MARINE STORY)
(ELENA UNDONE)
3. To learn more about the 2010 Outfest Legacy Awards, click HERE
4. To learn more about GLAAD, click HERE
5. To join me on Gay Travel’s incredible network, click HERE

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In an amazing and EXCITING turn of events, I have been named to the Top 50 finalists for my Dream Job!

The voting starts all over, and we find out soon if I made the top 20!

From there its a round of phone interviews. Then I might make the top 10.

Then I’d have to create another video. Then they choose two people for the gig.

A long process… but well worth it! Thanks for your continuing support and remember to VOTE!

Here’s the link: http://www.worldtravelerinternship.com/member/janelle-eagle/

Love!

Janelle

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The fact that I would ever need to write an article about quitting smoking is surprising for anyone who knew the little girl version of Janelle K. Eagle. My father was a smoker, you see, and I was so vehemently against the habit that I pulled every heart string possible asking why he wouldn’t choose me instead of the cancer sticks. I didn’t understand addiction or how my presence in his life wasn’t enough for him to just stop. I blame that traumatizing anti-smoking ad where the woman smokes out of her trachiotomy tube in her throat for many a nightmare in my youth.

The Program that started it all

The young version of myself was constantly active, athletic, and though I had an aversion to brussel sprouts, I was healthy. When the D.A.R.E. program came to my school, I was singled out to lead the Pledge of Allegiance at our “graduation ceremony” because of my vocal support of a drug and alcohol free childhood. An overachiever, a daughter a parent could be proud of, I even sang in the temple’s choir. I was by no means a “bad kid” that was caught by the principal smoking behind the bleachers. In fact, I didn’t even pick up the habit until I was in college.

Like many impressionable young people, I started with what seemed like a noncigarette. It was a CIGAR. Eventually I slid over to clove cigarettes, thinking that a couple a day was something that cool artsy college kids did. Eventually I was hooked on the inhale, switched to regular cigarettes, and was suddenly something that “little girl Janelle” would be ashamed of: a Smoker.

Now let me stop here for a second and give a little love to those people in my life who are smokers. I hate how shame and smoking are so linked. Quitting is one of the hardest things you’ll ever do. No one will be able to tell you how to stop. You’ll get there on your own if you want to, promise. I am writing this article simply to share my own story. Find your own way and go for it! You can do it!

And to all the loved ones out there that have a smoker in their life… Let me speak solely from my own experience. It never helped when someone attempted to guilt me into stopping. It never helped when someone gave me an ultimatum. I hated it when people would pass by and say “that’ll kill you, you know.” I never understood this as a child and publicly announce to the world an apology to my father for all the guilt trips; they probably only made his journey harder.

They say it takes the average smoker at least 10 attempts before s/he stops smoking. Oftentimes, a smoker may stop for a while and then may revisit their nasty habit when life’s larger obstacles rear their ugly heads (i.e. Death in the family, layoffs, etc.). I have attempted to quit the nasty habit a number of times, usually lasting at least of couple of weeks before I stopped. One of the attempts that lasted the longest was when I got an extremely severe lung infection that landed me in a hospital emergency room twice in one week. If you think that would stop me… you’ve probably never been a smoker.

I stopped for a while and then eventually went to a bar and thought “I’ll have just one.” Suddenly I’d be back in my groove and the habits would start again. I would wake up, smoke a cigarette. I would get ready for my day, get in the car, and light up. I’d eat my meals, have a cig, and then do it all over again the next day. My friends smoke. All the bars in Los Angeles that I frequent have built in smoking patios.While I have a strong spirit and am capable of dedicating myself to a goal, the familiarity of my life culture and smoking was too great for me overcome.

Me on the balcony formerly known as "The Smoking Balcony"

Eventually, I knew myself well enough to know that if I tried to become a casual smoker, I’d get looped back into my habits eventually. My routine in Los Angeles was so tied to when and where I lit up that I didn’t know how to enjoy my balcony’s sunset view of the Hollywood Hills without a cigarette in my hand. I even called the locale my “smoking balcony.” Having a beer in one hand automatically meant having a cigarette in the other. It seemed I didn’t even know how to live in Los Angeles without a pack of cigarettes. Every time I would leave town with the intention to quit, I’d come back to Los Angeles and light up again. My home seem inextricably linked to a habit I hated.

My brother Jason, unimpressed by a two week non-smoking stint that I was bragging about, mentioned to me once that “It takes 90 days to make a habit and 90 days to break one.” Always game to prove my brother wrong, I was heartbroken when I couldn’t get to that goal time and time again. Never one to give up though, I decided to add it to the Life to Do List, and thus entered #18: “Do not smoke a cigarette, not even one, for at least 90 days.”

About to light up in Bali

What finally allowed me to cross #18 off the List was a two-month trip around the world. Travel is not only my passion, it’s where I am in my groove. On this particular extended trip, I was out of my familiar surroundings long enough to break all of my habits. This was not the case in August 2008 when I traveled to Bali for 10 days (along with a carton of cigarettes). I smoked the entire time and hate that many of my travel pictures include me with a cigarette in my mouth.

On this trip, I knew I was lucky to be traveling in the first place. I knew that I would be viewing sites and meeting people that would change me. I had plenty to distract me. Nothing would be familiar, so habits weren’t applicable. It seemed like a perfect excuse to stop.

I fumbled quite a few times when I first got to Nepal simply because I hadn’t mentally “let go” of my habit. My local guide and dear friend in Bhaktapur is a smoker. Being around him while he smoked was a tease, so I lit up with him a couple of times in the spirit of camaraderie (or so I told myself). Slowly but surely during the month I lived in Nepal, I smoked less and less. I left that beautiful country on November 1st for India, smoking only twice during the five days I was in town. I enjoyed neither cigarette that I had and mentally felt the moment where I was done. On November 5th, 2009, I left India for Europe and left my smoking habit behind.

Today, the 3rd of February marks 90 days cigarette free. It was hard to come back to Los Angeles, but as soon as everyone got used to being around me without a cig in my hand (and I got used to not smoking while others did), it became markedly easier. I learned to love the Hollywood Hills view even more without the cigarette. It is still hard to not smoke when I am drinking, but I choose to focus on the company I keep or the music playing instead of how bad I want a cigarette at that bar. The longer I go without smoking, the easier it gets. Now I’m more used to not smoking than the opposite.

For those of you wishing to get inspired to stop smoking, feel free to adapt my story to work for you. There are a couple of disclaimers that are relevant (especially because I believe we all have our own journey):

1. You need to have a lifestyle that allows you to GET OUT OF TOWN! You need to be gone long enough (and far enough) so that your habits are broken. Any other big life change or move might actually be a perfect excuse (new apartment? new city?)/

2. Instead of saying “I will quit smoking,” consider the 90 day option instead. I may light up again in the future, but knowing that I’ve already gone this long makes me think its unlikely.

3. I had supportive friends and family that didn’t make me feel like I’d be a failure if I didn’t make it. They congratulated me along the way but didn’t pressure me.

4. I refused to bring cigarettes with me and none of the countries I was traveling in were going to carry my brand. I’m pretty loyal, so this was a big advantage. (If you travel to Europe, the sticker shock of extremely expensive cigarettes also makes it easy to pass up)

A Travel Picture sans smoke!

5. There were some advantages to my European travels that made it easier for me to stop. I was constantly moving, traveling by train to a new city at least once ever three days. Nothing was habitual. Focus on catching the next train or tour rather than the location of the closest smoke shop.

If you have any of these options, take them. Getting to see the world is a wonderful side effect of crossing this item off the list. I had the time of my life and got healthier at the same time. Not to mention, I think I look much better in my vacation pictures without a cigarette in my hand!

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Hey visitors! As you know, I am a world traveler who wants to keep traveling. Especially if someone else is going to pay for it! Well there is an opportunity for this to happen as I am in contention for “The Big Trip” (learn more at www.thebigtrip.com).

You can help me by watching this YouTube video, heading to THIS LINK and rating it 5 stars and leaving comments about why you think I’d be great for the job!

Thanks for the support!!

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The Production team has a serious chat on set

So much has happened in the past 7 or so days. We began filming “A Marine Story” this week. A dear friend experienced a great loss. And I just found out my cousin/older sister is pregnant at 40. The ups and downs have been polarized and the entire experience has been both exhausting and enlightening.

Working a low-budget film provides many opportunities to foster creativity. Because there is a lack of financial freedom, the production team has to be resourceful. For instance, when asked to find a “clear plastic bag” that was large enough to cover our fancy RED camera… we couldn’t pay someone to create a “hoodie” for the device to protect it from paintball and rain. This meant that I had to run to Walmart (a first for me) and come up with something clever. It ended up being a jumbo-sized Space Bag usually used to vacuum-suck pillows and bed coverings. For only $10, we had our cure!

Spending 15 hours a day making magic happen is tiring to say the least. Considering I am pretty far down on the food chain of this project, I can’t even imagine the exhaustion that our Producers, Directors, and management teams are experiencing. However far up or down the chain, it’s obvious that the entire cast and crew is dedicated to the project. While dreaming of our pillows, we are also dreaming of telling this incredible story that has the capacity to change hearts and minds. What a pleasure to be surrounded by people who care about what they do.

Amongst the long days, I’ve attempted to keep in contact with the civil world around me. My roomies have taken to leaving me notes on my pillow to tell me they miss me. My friends follow my life on twitter instead of via my own mouth over a vanilla latte at Urth Cafe. Text messages are returned late and voicemails are hardly listened to.

Sadly enough, my lack of availability has also forced me to be absent during a great loss for a dear friend of mine. Her soulmate took his life after a long struggle with bipolarity and artistic angst. His 31 years of poetic life is the stuff of great novels, Shakespearean sonnets and best selling biographies. My heart is with the family of this lost soul and my love and commitment to my friend grows exponentially with each day she carries on.

My Cousin and I at our annual San Fran sleepover

In a week of exhaustion and horrible news… I was also informed of one of the greatest gifts to come to someone I love. My dearest cousin, whom is the closest thing to an older sister I’ll ever know, has learned she is PREGNANT! After 40 years of being an honorary mother to so many others’ children, my dear Elaine will finally bear her own gift into the world. I can not imagine a more welcome piece of news in the life of an already distinguished woman. Our family is joyous.

With all this happening, I look forward to an incredible summer full of continued artistic expression and expansion. I can’t wait to travel more, bring my camera along, and prepare for the extreme excitement that awaits me this fall.

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American Idol runner-up Adam Lambert

Briefly, I need to comment on National television. Specifically, Fox. It’s unsurprising that two big events have happened in the last week that continue to prove that Fox is disinterested in supporting, uplifting, and encouraging equality for the LGBT community.

The first big occurrence is probably obvious… Adam Lambert lost American Idol to the also-talented, Kris Allen. While I can appreciate that Kris has a future, is marketable, and happens to be just plain adorable… I wanted Adam to win. He’s an entertainer on par with some of the best. I’d pay hundreds to see him in concert. I’d immediately buy his album. He’d easily headline a Broadway show that would be a smash success.

And oh yeah, he’s gay. Whether you support the fact that he wasn’t an “out” gay man, he never failed to state that he was proud of who he is. With pictures of him all over the internet proving what many teeny bopper girls and bible thumping parents feared, he focused on the singing instead of his personal life.

If he had won- it would have been a HUGE moment. Not only because America would have gotten it right, but because they would have chosen to support a gay man. In fact, to idolize him. While I am saddened that he lost, I think he still made a lasting impact on national media and continues to be a shining example of the courageous gay community.

If there’s any question about whether or not he’s a rockstar, let’s think about the finale for a moment. On the solo performances of each finalist, they were paired up with a celebrity musician for a duet. Kris Allen was paired with that one guy, Keith Urban. Who did Adam get paired with????? KISS. That’s right… KISS. He’s already a rockstar. Check it out in case your TIVO wasn’t set:

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More incendiary is a moment that occurred on last night’s season premiere of “So You Think You Can Dance.” Nigel Lythgoe, one of the show’s creators as well as the most prominent judge proved last night that homophobia (even in the DANCE world!) is still prevalent. Fox also proved that it won’t edit out such disgusting comments and by proxy, doesn’t mind homophobia. Encourages it perhaps? Here’s a video of the unfortunate moment that was nationally televised on one of the most-anticipated premieres of this summer season:

After seeing the moment, I had to stop the DVR and take a breather. It actually depressed me and made me want to boycott one of my favorite shows. I immediately thought of my former employers over at GLAAD (the Gay & Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation) and hoped they were in the midst of writing a press release as I went to bed last night. The good news is, they were.

To check out their commentary on WHY this is so defamatory and upsetting, and to also TAKE ACTION to tell Fox we won’t stand for this, click HERE .

In the mean time, I’m going to continue working on changing hearts and minds.

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It’s really been a pleasure over the past couple months as a freelancer. I enjoy the freedom of scheduling lunch dates with old friends, managing my own sleep schedule, and devoting my time ENTIRELY to making the future that I want to happen. There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t feel incredibly lucky to be working on MY CAREER and having the freedom to pursue my life’s aspirations (i.e. The To-Do List).

The time away from structured work has done a number of things to me:

1. I speak in code. Ask the roomies. If I start throwing out the words “rendering,” “XML,” or “widgets,” I no longer get offended when they stare at me blankly and shake their heads.

2. I am now considered for awesome jobs. It’s amazing to tell the world that you’re available. Then all it does is keep sending you options. Some suck. Some rule. But having CHOICES simply because you’re AVAILABLE for them? Brilliant.

3. I forget what date it is regularly. This is because the normal markers of the passage of time (waking, leaving for work, lunch, etc.) are not a part of my schedule unless I include them. I’ve gotta get better at that.

4. I experience life with a “blog-ability” factor. As experiences and opportunities roll my way, I consider whether or not they are blog-able, how I’d write the story, and what pictures I’d include. I have yet to learn how to turn life lens this “off.”

More than anything, I can say I am really enjoying this time. Only taking on projects that inspire, challenge, or energize me is a treat. A blessing. One that I refuse to take for granted.

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One of the reasons that I am passionate about storytelling and the media is that it has the capacity to change hearts and minds. It’s cliche. It’s been said. But there are moments where I am reminded of it’s power. Tonight was one of those nights.

It’s 1:30 in the morning and I’ve just watched a documentary about a young man with diabetes. He’s frail, got acne, and has worn glasses since he was a young child. He’s incredibly depressed and repeatedly retells stories about being ostracized for ADD as a young child. In the course of the documentary, we see that he is not much happier as an adult.

He gets so excited about simply meeting “some of the guys” from work for dinner at a restaurant on a friday night. He gets dressed up. He gets there early. He chooses the best table at the restaurant. And then the kids from work cancel. Who knows why… but they don’t show up and this young, frail, diabetic young man eats dinner alone.

I can’t describe how hard it was for me to watch him eat alone. I thought back to mean tricks that were played on me when I was younger. I cringed at the thought of anyone I love ever eating alone because they felt like they had no friends. And then I cried when I saw his mother cry herself to sleep because her “heart broke for her son.”

He shares that one of the reasons he does not take care of himself is because he is so depressed and lonely he can’t think of a reason to feel motivated to be better. He wants to be closer with his father. He doesn’t realize how much stress his mother is under because of her fear for his future. It’s just the most heartbreaking of stories.

I began to feel really lucky. I began to just feel overwhelmed with appreciation for the people whom I have in my life that have been there for me. For my parents who know I am sick and BOTH stopped on their way home to get me cough medicine. For my friend who shared with me that she feels inspired when we get together. For my constant rock who makes sure to always have icecream and Cold Case episodes at her home so that whenever I show up, there is merriment to be had.

To those who have helped me when I’ve been at my lowest and given me a reason to keep going. I am just so thankful that you exist.

There are some people who don’t need others. I am not one of them. I am a person who needs people.

Ironically enough, I watched the Kennedy Center Honors earlier today. Good ole Babs (Barbra Streisand for those who have been living under a rock) was one of the honorees. I’ve worshiped her since I was a young girl. And one of my favorite songs is “People.” And there is an infamous line that strikes me in particular after watching this documentary tonight:

People. People who need people are the luckiest people in the world.

And it is so true.

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It’s been a while since I’ve written. Perhaps I felt that nothing could top the Obama-Rama experience or the passion with which we are fighting Prop 8 and it’s repercussions here in CA. I honestly didn’t think anyone would notice if I took a writing vacation; I have been overwhelmed with comments proving the opposite. People are actually reading this thing.

And what a perfect segue to the topic I’d like to discuss right now: Impressions You Didn’t Know You Left.

Three times in one week, I have been reminded that I do make an impact. In separate and completely unsolicited circumstances, I have thrice been extremely touched by folks I rarely see. These people reminded me that when I feel down, and like I am insignificant or am not doing enough to make an impact on the world around me- that in fact I will sometimes never know the impressions I leave. I have to keep faith that someone is reading, someone is remembering, and someone is celebrating me.

Before I go on, I’d like to pause and avoid the “self-aggrandizing” reaction. I do not write this so that anyone reading will say “awww, Janelle… I think you’re great!.” I write this to say thank you to those who have helped me remember that I do have a responsibility to continue doing what I am passionate about. I write this to remind anyone who is reading that when they are down in the dumps, they might consider taking a bit of solace- someone has been touched by them.

Story One: Eating, Praying, Loving

The first story is about a woman I met when I was in Ohio. She is twice my age, lives alone, loves cats, and is just plain nice. When I met her- I could see through her forced pep and spark and knew that deep down, she was unhappy. She had a well-paying job that she hated, but it paid the bills. She was active and well-known in the community, but sought companionship. She was still afraid of her mother’s disapproval (does that ever go away?)

When I arrived at her doorstep one October day, I was in the middle of a journey. I had just quit my job. I had just challenged myself to follow my dreams and my passions. I had just read Eat, Pray, Love . I was the epitome of free spirit and cheerleader of the dream-followers. My Ohio friend noticed this, but never said anything specifically other than that she enjoyed working with me on such a historic project.

I received a call from her last week out of the blue. Something compelled me to pick up the phone, though I had not spoken to her in weeks and was not particularly “close” to her. Perhaps she dialed my number on accident? I picked up and said a surprised hello! My friend shared with me that she was going to quit her job. That she had saved enough money to last her six months and that she was going to pursue her passion of writing grants for non-profits. She was finally going to do it. She wanted the name of the books I had read to help me along my journey. She wanted to ask me how I got up the nerve to do it.

I was so touched that she thought of me. So touched that she was inspired by my story and that it helped her (in some small way) to take her future into her hands. I am so proud of her and so happy to know I could cheer her along in her journey. I never knew that the leap I was taking- and it was a difficult one- would give someone else a nudge over their own obstacles to happiness. What a gift to have the opportunity to know I made a difference for her.

Story Two: Me Too

On Facebook, there is something called the “people you may know.” Based on mutual friends, the computer suggests opening a line of communication with someone you may know. I added one individual after realizing we went to school together but barely spoke. Today, I get a message from this individual and we begin to chat online. He joined the Army after graduation. He is in Iraq. A soldier of war. I imagine an alpha-male in fatigues dodging bullets and immediately wish him a safe and expedient journey home. I realize we have nothing else to speak about.

Then he mentions my work with GLAAD. I believe his words were “I never thought you’d work THERE.” I question him about this. Did he mean he didn’t think that I’d work on behalf of the LGBT community? Was he secretly trying to ask me whether or not I am gay?

I begin to puff up and prepare for the predictable “so you defend fags?” or “I thought you had a boyfriend?” comments that usually follow this line of questioning. Instead… he comes out to me. He is gay. He is a gay soldier.

Slapped me across the face. Immediately made me feel guilty for assuming the worst. He’s across the world defending my right to protest in the streets and he can’t even be open about his sexuality because it will end his career. And he felt safe enough to share with me. He then said “you know… I don’t remember much about school. I remember a lot of kids were really mean. I remember that inside I knew I was gay and that I couldn’t face it. And I remember that you weren’t mean to me. That when my dad died, you made sure to send your condolences. That you were one of the nice ones.”

I had to fight back tears. For all the stories and memories this LGBT community has about bullies… I am just so happy to have been a voice that told him it was going to be okay. What a gift to feel that I have something in common with someone who is fighting in this war. To know that we are both fighting battles. Some are similar. Some are very different.

Story Three: My G-dson

If you’ve never heard the crazy story about my two friends Adam and Jen- then it will take too long to write about it here. Basic jist- one of my LONGtime Jewish friends ended up becoming engaged to and having children with one of my LONGtime childhood school friends. These friends were each hung out in very different circles in my life- my “school” friends vs. my “temple” friends. The only time they crossed paths was at my Bat Mitzvah over a decade ago. Crazy small world: I get a call a couple of years ago after they’ve already fallen in love and realize one night they both grew up with me.

Jen and Adam have just celebrated the first birthday of their second son, Zionn. With both of their babies, I have played the role of happy best friend who visits whenever i am back in my hometown (where this family still lives). I dote on the kids. I show up at the hospital with mounds of gifts. I bring my camera whenever I visit and spend hours snapping pics of these babies.

Mind you- both Jen and Adam come from LARGE families. Jen, in particular, is one of five sisters. Both children are lucky to be growing up with parents who are surrounded with happy, successful, loving families to support them. Suffice it to say, I was stunned and unbelievably touched this evening when they asked me to be Zionn’s G-dmother.

While I’ve known these two kids forever… and now of course love and celebrate their own two kids… I never imagined I was significant enough in their lives to be asked to fill such a role. I am so deeply touched and honored that they thought of me and that I get to be a part of their baby’s life. I know my own g-dfather has been critical in my upbringing and I hope to make them proud.

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What a gift. During this holiday season. During this economic melt-down. During a transitional time in my life… to be reminded that I have the capacity to make an impact. Have you experience something like this? I’d love to hear your stories…

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There are these great videos on CNN that you can personalize and this was TOO funny. My good friend Jason decided to blame me for the election…

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