I was introduced to a lovely woman through a mutual friend back in February of 2010. Immediately upon saying hello, it became clear we weren’t really paying attention to the “business” that our mutual friend had brought us together to discuss. I did ask for her phone number (rather I stole it from my friend’s phone). In fact, I texted her “here’s my phone number. use it to ask me out sometime.”

I think that counts, right? Either way, I’m crossing off #77: Ask someone for their phone number, call it, and ask for a date.

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The Taj Mahal

I’ve written quite a bit about how difficult it is to travel in India. There are many highlights, however- with two destinations standing out in particular.

The first and most obvious destination is the one that you come here for: The Taj Mahal. Built in honor of his life-long love who died while giving birth to their 14th child, the Taj is a testament to commitment and honor between a King and Queen.

What I found to be most fascinating about the structure is that it is composed of elements that come from all over the world. The white marble from Rajasthan was floated down the Yemena river. Semi precious stones were imported from as far away as Belgium and South Africa. Skilled workers (estimated at 20,000 men) spent 22 years building the structure.

My favorite fun fact about the building is that the 4 minarets that surround the tomb where the king and queen were buried are built at an angle. Each leans 2 degrees out and off vertical so that in case of an earthquake, they don’t fall into the tomb and instead fall outward into the vast open gardens surrounding the center structure.

A skilled artisan carves the same white marble used on the Taj Mahal

I highly recommend arriving on a Monday- as early as possible. Sunrise is suppose to be the most majestic time to arrive, but unless you are staying in town- this is difficult. We arrived at about 9:30am and didn’t feel that we missed anything. Note that there are multiple fees associated with the experience- 750 R to enter, 100 R for a tuk tuk to the front gate (worth it), and additional fees (500 R) for parking our taxi and 300 R for our tour guide. Not including taxi, this means each of us spent about US $35 on the experience.

Our tour guide also brought us to a marble manufacturer in Agra where we learned more about the process by which the stones are carved and embellished with the semi precious stones that make it so glamorous. The guide enjoys a commission from anything we purchase, of course, but the information and demonstration of skills is free and well worth the annoying sales pitch at the end.

The picturesque lotus temple is reminiscent of the Sydney Opera House

My other favorite destination in India is the Baha’i Lotus Temple in Delhi. Situated in South Delhi, the architecturally unusual structure is far removed from the hustle and bustle that surrounds it. The temple was constructed specifically to create a space where people from any religion could come together and pray. Just the idea is comforting, but physically experiencing being in a room full of diverse people and prayer is indescribable.

Acres of green grass and clear pools fill the surrounding land and shoes are left far outside the door. Before entering the prayer structure, a short speech is given by the young female staff that no photography or noise is allowed in the structure. You simply enter, find a seat, and pray silently. You stay as long as you desire. I chose to sit directly under the roof’s pinnacle- as if looking out from the center of the lotus. I closed my eyes and relaxed into prayer. I felt peace move over me as I let go of the tension that I’ve carried while traveling in this country. I emerged from the experience much calmer and more appreciative of my time in India.

One of many cheesy tourist pictures taken on the road

You don’t have to be a religious person to find the experience moving and memorable. The architecture itself is worth the visit- and the free entry is a welcome relief from repeated fees at other monuments in the country. Sitting quietly is also a rare treat in a compact and claustrophobic city. Visiting this space as my last stop before heading to the airport was a particularly wise decision as the normal stresses associated with travel seemed to de-escalate as I walked out of the Baha’i Lotus Temple.

Both the Taj Mahal and Lotus Temple are extravagant. Both are made of white marble. Both are unmatched around the world. If you are ever in North India- both are worth your time.

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All of the Unatti Girls line up for a rare photo op

When Patty and I wake up in the morning, we quickly eat breakfast and walk through the ancient city of Bhaktapur. The streets and buildings are red brick, wood carvings, stone carvings, and the alleyways are small. There is a light haze that is refreshingly chilly, but burns off as soon as the sun peaks its head over the Himalayas. It is with that morning sunshine that we walk down a hill to the Unatti Home, past the buffalos and chickens, and along a panoramic view that is breathtaking.

When we arrive at the orphanage, the 13 girls run shoeless down the five flights of stairs yelling “Sister! Sister!” and attack us with hugs and kisses when we meet in the middle. Every appendage that is not occupied is grabbed by the hands of the Unatti girls and we are lead upstairs into the long Dining room. We sit on mats at the floor, giggle, practice language (they teach me Nepalese and I teach them English), and wait for breakfast.

The house mothers bring in large metal plates that are full of the same four ingredients each meal: Rice, Lentil Puree, Vegetable, and Pickle Veggies. This infamous dish is called “Dal, Bhat, Tarkari, Achar.” There are no utensils, and only one hand can be used to feed yourself because the left is historically used to wipe in the restroom. Perfecting the “mix and scoop” takes a meal or two, but soon you ignore the thoughts in your held that tell you this is unsanitary.

Once breakfast is finished, it is time for the girls to run to the roof, brush their teeth, rinse their hair and put on their school uniforms. All this is done while taking for granted the 360 degree view of Bhaktapur that surrounds them. It is hard to focus on the view, I’m sure; as the water is not heated and they sometimes get headaches from the sudden burst of cold on their bodies.

Thirteen girls run back down the stairs armed with small backpacks and hands messily tying blue bows into pigtails. Elbows and knees collide as they change from their plastic pink house sandals into their black shiny school loafers and amass outside in the alley. One by one the girls descend and as soon as everyone is ready, we link hands.

It feels like a very large honor to walk the girls to school. It feels special that every hand or elbow that can be linked with another is an opportunity to literally connect. We are the ones that stick out. Taller and thicker than the average Nepali, it is easy to pick us out from the sea of blue uniforms. It is not a far walk to Everest School, but there are many cars, many people, and a lot of commotion to get through. Everyone arrives together at the gate of the school and says “Bye, Sister! Have a good day!” We watch them walk into the yard and can’t help but feel like proud family members as their pigtails sway behind them.

These girls are the lucky ones. They attend private school, paid for by the incredible supporters of the Unatti Foundation. They have polish for their shiny shoes. They bring “show and tell” pictures made with colored markers and crayons on large pieces of paper. They have no parents living in Bhaktapur, but they are surrounded by each other and the adults that run the Unatti Home at all times. There is no shortage of love. Perhaps because we are new here, the love that we feel for these girls is overwhelming.

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The ad campaign for Secret Life

As a civil-rights activist and consumer (and creator) of media, I take notice when change is a’brewin. And tonight I was incredibly impressed with ABC Family for including a story line featuring Gay Adoption. This “refuses to be equated with Disney” channel has taken a big leap. The executives have decided to use their platform to challenge the definition of family.

If you watch “The Secret Life of an American Teenager” (it’s ok… you can admit it), you already know that the show is a bit risque. Young people having sex. Teenage pregnancy. Drugs. Divorce. Sexual Abuse. It’s really run the gambit of topics that traditionally are not discussed in shows running on a network who’s name includes family in its title.

Today this network went even further with its risque-ness. ABC Family chose to include a discussion about how two grown adults in a loving and committed relationship are the best option for parenting a child. While this may seem no-brainer material, the shock was that the option that everyone agreed upon was TWO MEN in a loving and committed relationship. They weren’t just an option, they were considered as the ideal option.

Amy, a 15 year old who got pregnant at band camp (at the same time she lost her virginity) has been facing some tough decisions. She has a boyfriend (not the baby’s father) who wants to be in her life but is conflicted about his role as a potential parent. Amy’s own mother and father are divorcing (and show a nice juxtaposition against the happily-committed gay couple). Mom and Dad are split in how they’d like Amy to deal with her “dilemma.” The baby’s father, a classmate of Amy’s, is himself a product of a broken family and is against an adoption.

After all of these players put their prides aside and begin to discuss what is best for the child (wouldn’t it be an amazing world if all parents did that!), the prospect of giving the baby to the gay couple is proposed. It was done in a classy, constructive manner. Not only in the delivery of the story line where Amy’s father (a straight man) himself learns to push aside his assumptions of homosexuality, but also in how he chooses to broach the topic with his daughter.

To see the clip I am referring to, check out the YouTube below. You can see some of the other racy material that the show includes (no promise of good acting included in this recommendation), but the scene with the gay couple starts at 6:26 in the timeline.

Bravo ABC Family! Thank you for challenging the notion that a family has to be cookie cutter. That young people can’t make intelligent decisions. That love and commitment are terms reserved for an elite few. That parenting is a “right” and not a “responsibility” or “blessing.”

Thank you ABC Family for showcasing an important topic like this while some states (here’s to you Arkansas!) are writing laws into their constitutions that prevent loving and committed couples from giving a child a home. I’m impressed.

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It’s 1:30 in the morning and I’ve just watched a documentary about a young man with diabetes. He’s frail, got acne, and has worn glasses since he was a young child. He’s incredibly depressed and repeatedly retells stories about being ostracized for ADD as a young child. In the course of the documentary, we see that he is not much happier as an adult.

He gets so excited about simply meeting “some of the guys” from work for dinner at a restaurant on a friday night. He gets dressed up. He gets there early. He chooses the best table at the restaurant. And then the kids from work cancel. Who knows why… but they don’t show up and this young, frail, diabetic young man eats dinner alone.

I can’t describe how hard it was for me to watch him eat alone. I thought back to mean tricks that were played on me when I was younger. I cringed at the thought of anyone I love ever eating alone because they felt like they had no friends. And then I cried when I saw his mother cry herself to sleep because her “heart broke for her son.”

He shares that one of the reasons he does not take care of himself is because he is so depressed and lonely he can’t think of a reason to feel motivated to be better. He wants to be closer with his father. He doesn’t realize how much stress his mother is under because of her fear for his future. It’s just the most heartbreaking of stories.

I began to feel really lucky. I began to just feel overwhelmed with appreciation for the people whom I have in my life that have been there for me. For my parents who know I am sick and BOTH stopped on their way home to get me cough medicine. For my friend who shared with me that she feels inspired when we get together. For my constant rock who makes sure to always have icecream and Cold Case episodes at her home so that whenever I show up, there is merriment to be had.

To those who have helped me when I’ve been at my lowest and given me a reason to keep going. I am just so thankful that you exist.

There are some people who don’t need others. I am not one of them. I am a person who needs people.

Ironically enough, I watched the Kennedy Center Honors earlier today. Good ole Babs (Barbra Streisand for those who have been living under a rock) was one of the honorees. I’ve worshiped her since I was a young girl. And one of my favorite songs is “People.” And there is an infamous line that strikes me in particular after watching this documentary tonight:

People. People who need people are the luckiest people in the world.

And it is so true.

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